Spoon Fed

When I was born, I was spoon fed. My mother would open up the Gerber Baby Food jar and away we’d go. The goal, over time, was for me to evolve to the point where I could start making choices and feeding myself. It’s called growing up.

I also needed to start making compromises. Some foods caused discomfort due to my specific physiology. Other selections altered my health if consumed exclusively. Some I could not afford, did not possess the equipment and training to prepare properly, or just plain did not taste good to me. The bottom line is that I need to eat to live. As such I’ve had to learn to make compromises, but the trade off is that I have freedom of choice based on knowledge and practical experience. Nobody needs to tell me what I can and can not eat.

For many they prefer to have their choices made for them. Convenience of access and the derivation of short term pleasure is preferred over having to take more time to enjoy a broader, healthier choice of options. This is part of the reason fast food and theme restaurants are so popular; people don’t care that a burger a day will shorten their life. My point is not to hammer away at the food industry, I use it only because it is a resource everybody must have and are very familiar with.

I find it increasingly fascinating in my dealings with people that though they spout rhetoric embracing the values of choice and free speech, when put to the test they almost always prefer to be told what to think, eat, wear, and do rather than making the decision on their own. These also tend to be the same people who will then attack anybody who does not agree with them from a position of authority and experience that they do not possess. My only explanation for this phenomenon is that people welcome the comfort associated with their parents feeding, dressing, and sheltering them as infants and youngsters, and probably wish their butts were still being wiped as well. They don’t want to grow up, because thinking for yourself is hard, and not popular. It takes effort and a desire to control your destiny.

At the macro level, our societal choices are curated all the time, and this is allowed to continue because in a country full of freedom of choice people prove using their wallets on a daily basis that they want their choices to be made for them. What to eat, what to drink, where to go on vacation, what to believe, the type of car to drive, the type of phone to have, what political views are ‘right’ and ‘wrong,’ and more.

And who tells these people what to chose and why? Political pundits and blow hards with limited relevant experience at all, who’s only form of argument is they just talk louder and cut off opponents before they can get their counter point out. Corporations, who’s primary goal is to make money at all cost. Media outlets in need of advertising monies, and thus push controversial, polarizing stories because that is what people prefer to watch. Armchair bloggers who’s entire view of the planet has been formed from watching a flat screen TV, the internet, or YouTube. Organized religions who freely share why their interpretation of a thousand year old tome with more differing interpretations than there are Pokeman, is more valid than another. Non-profits who purport to operate under a set of values, but will compromise those same values when the Golden Rule is applied….meaning “he who has the gold, makes the rules.” It is all based on ego-driven agendas versus altruistic end results.

The funny part is life at the micro level, the stuff in people’s day to day lives, is all compromise and choice. Do you buy the new car with fewer bells and whistles, or the used car with miles on it and save some money? Do you have the 7th beer knowing you’ll be sick or cut it off for the night? Do you go to the name brand college or the state college? Do you work the 3rd shift or have less money? Do you pick the iPhone 7 or the Android, and which has the features you want on it? Do you buy the single ply or double ply toilet paper?

Bigger compromises effect your life in a bigger way. To have a lasting relationship of any type, you compromise. To take care of your health, you compromise. To spend time with your family, you compromise. To follow your dream, you compromise. To make informed choices, you compromise.

So how can it be that compromise is such a prevalent and important part of living long, healthy, and happy lives, and something that each of us can not exist with out implementing, yet abhor it in our national discussion? We all know the value of compromise, but we’ve allowed our culture to see compromise and freedom of choice as negative traits. My suspicion is because compromise is not a quick and temporarily satisfying process…it takes time, patience, understanding, and investment. When it works you can take the Articles of Confederation and turn them into the Constitution and Bill of Rights.

People want answers quickly, so having points of view fed to them and making quick judgement calls are more satisfying in the short term. If you buy a used car, many of your peers will comment negatively about the selection. If you decide to make the effort to eat healthier, you are weak minded for not having as much meat in your diet. If you do yoga to be stronger, you are sissy. If you believe in a spiritual power different than somebody else, your are a heretic. Pick a flip phone over a smart phone and you are stupid. If you are a Republican, you are a war monger. Democrat, and you are a bleeding hart liberal with no backbone. Independent and you are an idiot for not being an Republican or Democrat.

Interestingly, those who make these quick and convenient choices, don’t even follow it themselves. Faiths purport to love their fellow man, yet they shout hate speech at folks who are different. Loud mouth political commentators will pick apart an opponent’s positions and faults, but when their candidate demonstrates similar positions or faults it’s suddenly ok…or somebody else’s fault. Products will be crammed down people’s throats as the only solution to a problem that does not exist or poses no threat.

Our country is founded on the idea of free speech and thought. That many different faiths and cultures can live together in peace. To accomplish this, our government was set up to allow for great variety in political and social discourse, and then develop policies based on the compromises that stem from that discourse. All ideas are welcome, and policy is made by reaching a middle ground. But it takes time, patience, understanding, and neither side will get everything they want. The Articles of Confederation took eight years to become the Constitution and Bill of Rights.

And here is a news flash for anybody who does not consider themselves an immigrant: we are all either currently, or a descendant of people who came here under the premise of making a better life. You or your family immigrated to the United States from some place else. Even if you are a Native American, your ancestors walked across the land bridge from Russia to Alaska or crossed the Rio Grande. New York City would not be what it is with out cultures from all around the world making that place diverse and successful. Same with Chicago, Miami, New Orleans, San Fransisco, Dallas, Boston, and many others. Our system of states was created because different groups of people wanted to live different types of lives, but with a common purpose.

In other words, we were willing to compromise in order to get along.

Free of speech allows for people to engage in discourse, and the American government is set up to provide the vehicle for enacting compromise. But is only works when the citizenship of our country understands the value of both. We have slipped over the past 40 years to a place where extreme points of view are the accepted norm. We have allowed ourselves to be fed our choices and beliefs versus making them on our own, and do not even attempt to follow the sage advice of Mr. Spock from Star Trek, that “the needs of the many, outweigh the needs of the few, or the one.”

When we start delineating points of view into black and white opportunity for compromise, innovation, and greatness is squandered, ignoring that life is shades of grey. When compromise is lost, then so is the richness of living in a community of diversity, both in thought and belief. The very foundation of what has made the United States so great, the original promise that all are welcome to build a life and speak their mind, is gone.

In the grand scheme of the development of our world the United States has accomplished so much for such a young country, and we are stunting that fabulous progress. We have permitted others to tell us what is ok to think, say, believe, wear, drive, and eat. We have allowed the art of compromise to stifled, though it is essential to all of the most important decisions we make in our personal lives.

We have allowed ourselves to be spoon fed, and we like it.

So did the Nazi’s. So did the Bolsheviks. So did the McCarthyites. So did the Klu-Klux-Klan. So did the soldiers in the Crusades. So did the Vichy Government. So did the South African National Party. So did the Khmer Rouge.

I, for one, am tired of living in diapers full of feces that don’t get changed until my parents come along to do it, and eating from those jars of ground baby mush. I like wearing my light blue crocs that others claim are a fashion sin. I like my Mazda3 with the hand crank roll up windows. I like my flip phone. I like practicing yoga. I like thinking for myself, enjoying the work it takes to grow up, finding the middle ground between people, and being a citizen of the world.

Screw being spoon fed.